unconventional

These past few months, I have been continually reminded of how fleeting our time is here on Earth. And it has been a reminder to both cherish my time but has also brought up a continual worry of one of my worst fears.

I think that for many of us, our parents are an anchor. I hardly remember a time that my momma wasn’t my very best friend, in addition to being the nurturer that most moms are. And my daddy has always been my security in this world…the solid rock that grounded me and the strength that protected me.

As they age, and as I see my friends losing their parents, I am becoming more aware of what losing my parents would mean. I can’t possibly ever truly fathom how awful it would be…but I am observant enough to see that my life could very well be ripped to shreds. I know it would change me dramatically and permanently.

One humorous aspect is that I try to tell Momma & Daddy what to do now…although I’m sure they don’t always think it’s funny. I am constantly getting on to them, nagging them about minor health issues, freaking out when I haven’t heard from them when I should have. I’ve taken to holding Mom’s hand constantly, pointing out curbs & cracks, leading her like an invalid…and most all the time she takes it in stride and puts up with me. When Daddy jokes about being sick, I get loud and upset and preachy.

But underneath all of it is a breathtaking fear. The horrid, sickening fear of how broken I would be and how different my life would be.

I know it’s just the devil, trying to rob my joy. And I know that really all I ever need is my Lord. I know that I sorrow not as those who have no hope.

So while I have them, I will cherish them. I will hug them every chance I get and laugh with them. I will tell them constantly of my love for them and I will hold their hands. I’ll forgive them when I’m too sensitive and I will ask their advice & guidance as much as possible. And I will thank God that I’ve not just had awesome parents for awhile…but for a really long time…something I could’ve never deserved.

For those of you who are missing your momma or your daddy or both…I am so so sorry. My heart aches for your devastation. The only thing I know to do is to soak up every moment and lean on you when/if my time for loss comes.