unconventional

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”

If everything in the next 9 months goes as planned, in August of next year, I will start law school. As the mom of three young children, a husband with a very consuming career and a frequent travel schedule (Tennessee!), all I can say is that most moments I truly feel like law school is an unclimbable mountain.

Law school is my Ninevah.  The first time I felt that maybe God was leading me in that direction was while I was getting my masters and working as a dorm mom.  Each time the thought would pop into my mind, I rejected it pretty immediately because I, Katie Beth McCarthy, just don’t have what it takes.  You see, my aversion to law school has nothing to do with my desire…it has everything to do with my confidence. I really think I will love being an attorney and I feel like so much of my personality is suited for that career…but I’m scared out of my mind.

I’m scared my children will be neglected and forget how much I love them.  I’m scared by how much I’ll miss my husband.  I’m scared I’ll gain 100 pounds, because when I’m stressed, I eat! Most of all, I’m scared I’ll grow ever so slightly away from God because I won’t be able to be involved in the normal Bible studies and activities that are such a nourishment to my soul.

But at the same time, I know that God is using me. During these past few months of spiritual renewal, I have realized that God gave me these talents in the expectation that I use them for His glory.  And I’ve realized that He lives in me…the very spirit of Yahweh is within me.  How can I fail?  It will not be easy…and it might not be pretty…but I will face that which I cannot do.  And when it is all said and done, everyone will look at me and will see what God has done through me.  And I, little ol’ insignificant me, will be a living testament to God’s glory.